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And how many men have bravely catalogued the qualities of particular women that threaten their ego, and thereby their arousal?

Nor am I condoning, excusing or endorsing men's methods. "Besides," I hear them say, "we women are forgiving of men's looks -- why can't men return the favour?

Interesting essays could be written on how men should choose women, or how men wish they chose women. The fact is men can't help looking, even happily married men, even codgers who think Viagra is better than money. This may seem too obvious to even mention, but in fact it is the key to the whole thing. " 'Ruthlessly pragmatic' Scientists say men and women are both designed to be ruthlessly pragmatic in their criteria for a mate.

But we will focus on a topic of more practical interest: in the real world, how do men actually choose women? If you make it difficult to be seen -- for instance, if you sit in the back booth with shades on -- you stop Step One from happening. (Note that being seen is particularly crucial -- and achievable -- if you are trying to meet Mr. Women are programmed by evolution to choose men based on their father potential, which is closely associated with status in the group -- what we now call money and power.

The average male who is old enough and mature enough to want to marry has realized that sex is not always a triumph.

I'm not saying he is sexually insecure: indeed, with the right woman he may be easygoing, studly and confident.

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